


I Am Not Throwing Away My Shot (With You)

by hiareyouanerdcauseiam



Series: Hamilsquad goes to King's College [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex has anixety, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bathroom cuddling?, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Disney Movies, First Meetings, Fluff, John Laurens is a hufflepuff and no one can tell me otherwise, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, check the summaries and notes, idk man im too tired to tag, jeffershit back at it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7383247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiareyouanerdcauseiam/pseuds/hiareyouanerdcauseiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"John noticed this yelling and turned around to see the fight. The second he turned around, however, he fell in love. The tiny man had this fire in his dark eyes that made John melt."</p><p>Or: I can't write anything but Lams rn so college AU! </p><p>This will turn into a prequel for 'Hoodies' I promise</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meetings and Cold Weather

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! So I decided to write some more Lams stuff. This is meant as a prequel to my other fic 'Hoodies' which can be found on my account. You don't have to read that one to understand this one, or vise versa. They are just set in the same universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: I wrote Alex with anxiety and in future chapters he will have a panic attack so please do not read this if you could be triggered, it's not worth hurting yourself over my crappy fic.)

“Immigration is a largely discussed topic among politics in America today. I will be assigning a paper soon on your opinions on this topic.” Alexander Hamilton lit up like a lightbulb at the word ‘paper’. “However, it won’t be assigned right now, because frankly I don’t feel like grading anything while I’m on a trip with my wife. They will be assigned when I get back on the 12th, just as a warning to all of you.” He continued to speak about next week’s activities, but Alexander was distracted by none other than his roommate.

A southern drawl had whispered to him, “I think we already know your stance on _this.”_

Alex turned to Thomas Jefferson. “I think we already know you’re an asshole with stupid opinions that are only oppressing other Americans.”

“Oh, so it’s like that? Well-” He was cut off.

“Thomas, can you just leave this alone for once,” James Madison groaned, trying to grab Jefferson’s arm in an attempt to calm him down.

Washington had announced that the class was dismissed, and Alexander flew up.

“Just because you were born and raised in the sweet lands of _Virginia_ and I wasn’t doesn’t give you the right to assume that-”

“I’ll assume anything I want!” Jefferson had stood up and began arguing too. Madison stood up too to try and stop Thomas from making a scene but was failing pretty badly.

“-I have a certain opinion on things! Yes, I might agree with what you have said but-”

“EXCUSE ME! Madison, Jefferson, take a walk, class is over, out! Hamilton, young man, I am from Virginia so watch your mouth. Now, shut up and get out of my classroom,” the professor boomed.

Alex couldn’t even speak back, he was so astonished. Thomas and James shuffled out of the classroom in a hurried fashion while Alex stood there. Washington glared. Finally, he gathered his composure and his things. He followed the rest of the students out the door, but not without sparing a glance back at Washington, only to be greeted by the, what Alex called, I-not-mad-just-disappointed look. That stung a little. He began to walk down the hallway until a voice stopped him.

“Hi.” Alex spun on his heels. A man with dark, curly hair pulled back into a ponytail, tan skin, and greenish eyes had begun talking to Alex. _Holy crap, are those freckles, oh my god that is… beautiful._

Alex was surprised. Not many people tried to talk to him, out of fear of getting in an argument. “What?”

“Hey. I’m John Laurens. Who might you be?”

 _Who is this kid? And why are his freckles so cute. Holy shit, stop it Alex._ He realized now that he was being quite rude to John and became nervous. _What if he is here to make fun of you, or argue with you, or-_ His mouth was speaking before his mind even had chance to process it. “Alexander. Alexander Hamilton.” _Wow, sounds like you are a scared animal. Great job._

“You, uh, wanna grab a coffee sometime?” _Oh…_

“I’m sorry, what?” This was shocking.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I just, I saw you in the classroom, arguing, and I, uh, I wanted to meet you. Wow, this sounds creepy. I’m sorry,” rambled John, who was beginning to look down at his shoes. _This kid is adorable. Oh my gosh, say yes._ Alex began to giggle a little bit at how cute John was being.

Alex decided it was his turn to shock John, “I would love to get coffee sometime. I’m free right now, I don’t have any classes the rest of the day.”

John looked up. He had the cutest ‘oh…’ look on his face. Alex would have to remember to make him do that as often as possible, because it was captivating.

“Yeah, now is good. Wanna go to the place down the street?”

“Sons of Libertea?”

John smiled. _Holy shit, maybe kill me instead? I don’t know, that would have the same effect._

***

John internally groaned. He hated Tuesday classes. Tuesday’s were the absolute worst in John’s opinion. He had an early class while all his other classes started at like 1 in the afternoon. But not Professor Washington’s, nope his had to start promptly at 8:30 am on a Tuesday. Luckily, it was his only class today, but still getting up sucked. _At least there’s only a few more minutes left._ Don’t get him wrong, he liked Mr. Washington, but he did not want to be taking PolySci. He wanted to be a marine biologist, not a politician like his father. But his father was paying, so this meant take the classes he wants John to take and don’t say anything about it.

The class had been pretty boring that day, but right after the class was dismissed, this small man starting yelling at a much taller man with a head of poofy hair and a weird set of facial hair. John noticed this yelling and turned around to see the fight. The second he turned around, however, he fell in love. The tiny man had this fire in his dark eyes that made John melt. His heart was fluttering and he barely noticed when Professor Washington told the kid to shut up and get out of his classroom because class was over. John quickly grabbed his stuff and his coffee and shuffled out of the classroom while the man was taken aback by Washington’s harshness.

After class, John waited for the man. He had to meet him. _This is kinda creepy, John. What are you going to do? Do you even have a plan? What are you gonna say?_ John took a sip of his coffee out of nervousness. Suddenly, the man walked, no stormed, out of the presentation hall. Quickly removing his coffee from his mouth, John chased after the boy. _YOU STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY!_

“Hi.” Oh my god, seriously??

“What?”

“Hey. I’m John Laurens. Who might you be?”

The man looked nervous, on edge, like he was ready to run at the slightest hint of anything wrong. “Alexander. Alexander Hamilton,” the man replied slowly and with the most cautious tone someone could have.

“You, uh, wanna grab a coffee sometime?” John asked. _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU ALREADY HAVE COFFEE, YOU DUMBASS. YOU CAN’T JUST ASK A MAN YOU BARELY KNOW TO COFFEE!_

“I’m sorry, what?” Alexander’s breathing had picked up slightly.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I just, I saw you in the classroom, arguing, and I, uh, I wanted to meet you. Wow, this sounds creepy. I’m sorry,” John rambled. He was cut off by Alexander giggling. _Wow, that is the cutest thing I have ever heard._

“I would love to get coffee sometime. I’m free right now, I don’t have any classes the rest of the day.”

John was actually kind of shocked at the man’s answer. He managed to gather himself together and sound somewhat normal when he checked his watch and replied, “Yeah, now is good. Wanna go to the place down the street?”

“Sons of Libertea?”

“Yeah, one of my friends, Hercules, and his partner work there and I get some deals sometimes,” John said. _Maybe today won’t be so bad after all…_

After a few exchanged words, they ended up walking cause neither of them had a car. New York was chilly today, so Alexander had on a scarf, gloves, and a hat. _It’s really not that cold…_

John decided to question him on it, as he only had a coat on, with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Alex tensed. “Um, I grew up in Nevis, it’s a place in the, uh, Caribbean. I’m not, and probably never will be, used to this weather. It’s freezing.”

His face was red after answering, from blushing or the cold, John couldn’t tell, but it was adorable. John chuckled as Alex buried his face further into his scarf and turned even redder.

“Don’t laugh at me. It’s not like I grew up in a place where four feet of snow is normal,” Alex grumbled angrily. That made John laugh even more.

“I didn’t grow up here in New York, Alexander.” Alex frowned at the use of his full name. “I’m from South Carolina. I moved up here to go to college this year.”

Alex made an ‘oh’ sound, but didn’t say anything. He looked terrified, his dark ( _Beautiful- No stop that, John._ ) eyes much wider than normal. John wondered if it was just from the weather, but decided not to question it like he had with the winter clothing. Alexander didn’t seem to like to be questioned.

Before either of the two men could say anything, John coughed to signal they had arrived. Alex silently thanked whoever was listening. They walked inside, a tiny bell ringing as the door was pushed open.

John started to speak. “My friend is Hercules Mulligan. He may look very intimidating but trust me, he’s-”

He was cut off by a booming voice. “AYO LAURENS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. Yeah I wrote this. Be prepared for more of this…  
> (John’s little rant about Tuesday’s is just me being annoyed about Tuesday’s honestly)


	2. Lafayette and Hercules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayo guys, I'm back in action and ready for some more gay stuff.  
> Anyways, Hercules and Laf show up and Disney movies and pining. That's about it honestly.  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am writing this okay what I am so sorry in advance (also the French may be off, but there are translations in the endnotes. They are probably wrong since I used Google Translate so please feel free to correct me I take Chinese not French so I know nothing help)  
> (Warning: I wrote Alex with anxiety and in future chapters he will have a panic attack so please do not read this if you could be triggered, it's not worth hurting yourself over my crappy fic.)

The voice was followed by a giant man wearing a blue bandana that came out from behind the counter. Alex jumped.

 

“Yo Herc, what’s up? This is Alexander Hamilton, he’s in my PolySci class. As I was saying, Hercules may be huge and intimidating, but in reality he’s the nicest person you will ever meet. He’s like a big teddy bear.”

 

Hercules laughed. He clapped Alex on the back with a giant hand and the tiny man yelped and almost fell over. 

 

“Oh god, Alexander, I’m so sorry. Sometimes I forget my own strength.” Hercules held out a hand. Alex took it in his own and shook it. The sheer size of his hand scared Alex. The thing was almost double the size of his. “Hey, you want some coffee? I’m sorry for hitting you so hard so it’s on the house, eh?”

 

Alex nodded. “That would be nice.” He ordered and John followed. Hercules quickly made the two coffees and handed them to the two boys. They took their seats in a small booth in the corner. They had a nice conversation, consisting of what they are majoring in, favorite colors, what dorm they are in, and roommates, the normal stuff. Hercules’s shift had just ended and he came over to talk to them for a few minutes.

 

“Turtles are my favorite.” Hercules sighed at Laurens. He glared at him until speaking once more, “Okay, what’s your favorite Disney movie?”

 

Taking a sip of his coffee, John watched as Alex’s eyes went wide again. “I’ve-I’ve never seen a Disney movie.”

 

John almost spit out his coffee. Hercules looked appalled. It was that moment when another person decided to join their conversation. 

 

“What do you mean you’ve never seen a Disney movie!?” A French accent from behind Hamilton all but screamed. 

 

All three men looked up at the voice. Hercules and John began laughing hysterically, while the person who had yelled practically ran over to Alexander to look him dead in the eyes. He gripped his face with two hands, causing Alex to yelp, and examined him closely.

 

“Yo, Laf, leave the poor kid alone,” Hercules tried, but ‘Laf’ wasn’t having any of it. Alex had wide eyes once more, darting from side to side, looking to John for help and his breathing had picked up. 

 

“ _ Non, mon ami _ , I don’t know who you are, but we are going to go watch every single Disney movie there is,” the French person said, before letting go of his face and instead gripping his arm. ‘Laf’ pulled him up out of the seat. The stranger let go and placed a hand on his chest. “ _ Je suis désolé. _ I forgot to introduce myself. I am  Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, or Marquis de Lafayette for short. Many of my friends just call me Lafayette or Laf, so feel free to call me either. And who might you be?”

 

Alex began stumbling over his words. Normally he could speak in paragraphs, but all this new information was so much to take in. Thankfully, John jumped in to help. “Laf, this is Alexander Hamilton. He’s in my PolySci class and we decided to get coffee together.”

 

“ _ John a pris un amant, je vois, _ ” Lafayette said before giggling. 

 

“Dude, you know we don’t speak French. We talked about this,” Herc began.

 

Alex began to blush before mumbling, “ _ Je souhaite, il est très mignon. _ ”

 

Lafayette stopped laughing, but still had the widest grin on his face. “ _ Tu parle français? _ ”

 

“ _ Oui _ .”

 

“You’re bilingual?” John asked. 

 

“Bilingual, no, but bisexual, yes.” Alex mentally kicked himself for saying that. “But I’m trilingual, actually. I speak Spanish as well.” 

 

“Wow, you really fit in with our crowd,” Hercules said.

 

“Your… crowd?”

 

“ _ Oui. _ Everyone is very queer. I am agender, and I use any pronouns really, but normally he/him. It is easier in my opinion. Herc is pansexual. And Laurens here is as gay as a rainbow.” Alex’s eyes lit up at the last one. “You are bisexual,  _ non _ ?”

 

“Uh, yes. I am.”

 

“Oh,  _ mon ami _ welcome to our, how you say, squadron.”

 

“Laf, it’s just squad,” Hercules corrected.

 

“Squad. Either way, we are going to go watch some Disney movies right now.”

 

“Well, I don’t have any classes for the rest of the day so I guess-” Alex was cut off by Lafayette grabbing his arm and all but dragging him out of the coffee shop.

 

The group began walking to a set of apartments. Alex guessed it was Lafayette’s since he was the one with the Disney obsession. Laf and Herc were walking arm in arm ahead of John and Alex. John was a few steps ahead of Alex, who was tailing behind everyone else. Alex’s head was down, almost as if he was afraid to look up. John made a split second to stop and turn around to talk to Alexander.

 

“Hey dude, you okay?”

 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.” Alex nodded and responded a little too quickly for John’s taste. It seemed too… rehearsed.

 

“Listen,” John started. Alex and him were face to face now. “I don’t know what is wrong, and I really don’t expect you to tell me, considering I’ve known you all of 2 hours, but I want you to know that you seem super cool, and I’d love to go out together again. Maybe next time… alone?”

 

Alex nodded. John continued, “You don’t seem the type to talk much, but I saw you with the guy in class. You weren’t shy then, so I know you will talk when you feel comfortable.”

 

John swung an arm around Alex’s shoulders, causing the smaller man to flinch. The pair continued walking at John’s slightly faster pace so they could catch up to Laf and Herc.

 

The entire group reached an apartment building and followed Laf up a flight of stairs then down a hallway. They stopped at a door, causing Lafayette to dig through his jean pockets for a key. Once the door was open, Herc and John barged in like they live there, however Alex awkwardly walks through the door and stands in the middle of the room.

 

The apartment has a large, green couch in one corner, complete with a coffee table, blankets and soft-looking pillows. There was a huge, flat-screen TV above a small fire place. Over in another corner, there was a small kitchen cut off from the rest of the room by bar seating. On the wall next to the couch, there was only windows and a sliding glass door that led to a porch. Three other doors were on the remaining walls that Alex guess was a bedroom, bathroom, and closet. The entire place was covered in carpet and tanish paint job.

 

A small “wow” noise left Alex’s mouth when he finally took in the entirety of the apartment.

 

“Do not gape,  _ mon ami _ . It is quite impolite.”

 

Alex quickly shut his mouth. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

 

“It is alright.”

 

“How do you afford this place? It must cost like 700K at least.”

 

“Laf’s parents are like super rich, man. I think they are like distantly related to royalty or something like that,” Hercules explains.

 

Lafayette sighs dramatically. “We are not royalty, Hercules! We just happen to have a large sum of money, and my parents are paying for a nice apartment and college.”

 

Laurens snickers in the background before falling onto the couch. Alex decides to follow him while Lafayette goes to a movie organizer placed next to the fire place and begins digging around. Hercules wanders into the kitchen and starts opening stuff, presumably popcorn.

 

“Hey, you still okay Ham? You still seem kinda nervous. It’s okay, y’know,” John whispers to Alex.

 

“Ham?”

 

“Yeah, Ham. ‘Cause your last name is-”

 

“I understand. I’ve just never had anyone give me a nickname before.”

  
John chuckles quietly.  _ Oh my god, that is the best sound. Wait, are you blushing, stop it! Okay, it is now my least favorite sound. This is horrible. Man, do I hate that sound. Jesus, pull yourself together, Alex. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh I am regretting everything I have ever done  
> Don’t tell me Laf wouldn’t love Disney movies  
> Also Mulan is my favorite Disney movie so now it's John and Alex's too in the next chapter fite me
> 
> French Translations:  
> Non = No  
> Mon ami = My friend  
> Je suis désolé = I am sorry  
> John a pris un amant, je vois = John has taken a lover, I see  
> Je souhaite, il est très mignon = I wish, he’s very cute  
> Tu parle français? = You speak French?  
> Oui = Yes
> 
> (This is Google Translate (AKA the Dodgiest Translator of All Time™) French. Please correct me if I have mistaken anything as I literally know zero French.)


	3. Disney Movies and Awkward Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex cuddle while watching Disney movies. That's it. Literally it.  
> I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am writing this okay what I am so sorry in advance (also the French may be off, but there are translations in the endnotes. They are probably wrong since I used Google Translate so please feel free to correct me I take Chinese not French so I know nothing help)  
> (Warning: I wrote Alex with anxiety and in future chapters he will have a panic attack so please do not read this if you could be triggered, it's not worth hurting yourself over my crappy fic.)

“Yo Laf! What are we watching?” Hercules calls from the kitchen over the sound of popcorn in the microwave.

 

“I was thinking… Hercules?” Lafayette giggles. John chuckles, and looks over at Alex, who was hiding his smile in his King’s hoodie.

 

“OKAY WHEN THIS POPCORN IS DONE, I AM COMING IN THERE AND KICKING YOUR ASS, _GILBERT_.” This just causes Lafayette to laugh until Hercules calls him by his least favorite name.

 

“ _Bon, écoutez-moi, vous cheval fucker-_ ” Laf begins, but is cut off by Alex giggling. It was as if Lafayette had forgotten Alex was there because he suddenly turns to him and asks, “What movie do you want to watch, _Alexandre_?”

 

“Um, I heard Mulan was good? Or the one with the mermaids?”

 

“Oh, I love Mulan. And The Little Mermaid is Lafayette’s favorite,” John says, “How about we start with Mulan, then The Little Mermaid?”

 

“That sounds _fantastique_ ,” Lafayette says.

 

Hercules walks in with a bowl of popcorn as Lafayette puts on Mulan. Lafayette sits on the far end of the couch, leaving Hercules in the middle with the popcorn. Laurens was next to Hercules, squishing Alex against armrest.

 

“This is my favorite Disney movie, you know?” John leaned over to whisper to Alex.

 

Alex replied, “It is? I heard some people talking about it when I was in high school, but that’s about it.”

 

The screen begins playing music and ink starts to paint something. Alex is fascinated at it, and John laughs a little because it is kind of cute.

 

“Oh my gosh, did you see that transition, John,” Alex points out when the ink becomes The Great Wall of China. Lafayette shushes him.

 

During the song “Honor To Us All”, John was singing along. Alex laughs and adjusts himself so he is closer to John. Soon enough, “Reflection” comes on, the viewers meet Mushu, and Mulan arrives in the camp.

 

“This is the best song,” John states. “Hold on this is my favorite part… LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!”

 

“TO DEFEAT… THE HUNS!” Lafayette continues.

 

“HUAH!” Hercules screams.

 

The group goes on to continue the entire song, making Alex laugh the entire time. He almost feels at home with these people; no one was going to try and hurt him and they were all very friendly. Plus, it truly was a spectacle to watch Laf try and do the jump thing and almost break his nose.

 

“A Girl Worth Fighting For” come on and John declares, “This song isn’t very relatable. I want a man worth fighting for.” He spares a glance at Alexander, eyes very hopeful with a hint of mischief. _Stop lying to yourself, Alex. He’s just making sure you are paying attention._

 

Once the movie is over, Alex is sure that nothing else can top this movie.

 

“What did you think, _mon ami_?”

 

“That was the best movie I have ever seen. Granted it is one of the few movies I’ve seen but it was amazing. Nothing can top this movie,” Alex replies.

 

“Ha!” Hercules laughs. “Just wait until we watch The Little Mermaid!”

 

“Hercules, I believe we should watch your favorite movie first. Save the best for last, _non_?”

 

“Wait, you didn’t tell me we were watching Brother Bear, Lafayette! I didn’t come prepared to cry today,” Laurens complains.

 

Lafayette goes to find the movie and put it in, while Herc gets more popcorn, leaving John and Alex alone on the couch. They were unreasonably close for just the two of them sitting there, but there was four people squished on it not two minutes ago. It would be kind of awkward to move, so Alex stays still. John adjusts himself a little to get more comfortable, by bringing his feet up to sit on them. It causes Alex to have to bend at a weird angle so John’s elbow doesn’t stab his side. John must have noticed his discomfort, and pulls him into his lap, startling the smaller man. Now John’s feet are below him, and Alex is half sitting in his lap. _They are very physical in showing their affections_ , Alex thinks, _I should try to fit in. It’s nothing._

 

“ _Trouvé!_ Who is ready for the second best Disney film of all time?”

 

“I am! And it is the best!” Herc was back with more popcorn and flops onto the couch. Lafayette follows his actions after putting in the movie. They got into a similar position that John and Alex were in, Lafayette in Hercules’s arms. _See, they are doing it too. It’s not just John._

 

At first, Alex was stiff. He didn’t feel nearly as comfortable as John in this position. He almost jumped up off the couch when Laurens placed a hand on his head. Despite this being very unnatural to Alex, he slowly relaxed into the position further into the movie.

 

When Phil Collins started singing and there was a montage of cute bear scenes, Alex finally took the time to remark, “This music is astounding.”

 

Hercules agrees with him, telling him it’s why he loves it so much, and John nods. When he is done with this action, he moves his head so he can rest it in Alex’s hair. Alex sighs happily and pushes up into the touch. They stay like that.

 

An old bear on the TV says, “This year, I lost my dear husband Edgar.”

 

“Quit telling everyone I’m dead!”

 

“Sometimes, I can still hear his voice.”

 

Lafayette let out a small shocked sound.

 

“What?” Hercules asks.

 

“This is where that _même_ is from? _Mon dieu_!”

 

“It’s pronounced ‘meme’ not ‘mem’. And yes, it is originally from this movie.” _What the hell is a ‘meme’?_

 

During the story of Koda’s mother, Alex begins to fidget a little. John begins to slide his hand up and down Alex’s arm and it calms him down immediately. He sighs into the touch. _Don’t get too comfortable_ . _It’s just something they do to show friendship, I mean look at the other two._

 

When Koda begins to back away and say, “I don’t like this story…” Alex gasps. He whispers a little ‘no’ and Alex pulls his head away from John. He looks up towards him with tear-filled eyes. Lafayette is bawling at this point. Alex lets a tear fall, and buries his face into John’s chest.

 

“Your mother’s not coming.” _That’s what they told me._

 

“No… no...”

 

“Koda!” The little bear runs away.

 

“I THOUGHT DISNEY MOVIES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY?!” Alex cries, but it gets muffled by John’s now tear-stained shirt.

 

“Oh man, who told you that Alex? Disney movies are never happy,” Herc explains.

 

“But like isn’t there supposed to be singing and happiness? Aren’t these movies made for kids? Who would let their kid watch this?”

 

“ _Mon ami_ , you should thank me. At least we aren’t watching The Lion King today.”

 

“Yeah, but I think Brother Bear is sadder Laf, I mean look at little Koda’s face,” John says. “Wait, Herc, this is your favorite Disney movie?”

 

“Yeah man, the soundtrack is just golden and I love how the animation style is different from most of the other Disney movies.”

 

John lets out a noise to confirm he heard Hercules, but doesn’t say anything else. Instead he just wraps his arms around Alex to pull him closer when Denahi jumps to attack Kenai. During the scene where Koda gets to see his mother again, Alex pushes his head up into John’s face, in a very similar way that Koda does. In turn, John nuzzles his face into Alex’s hair.

 

Once the movie was over, Alex checks the time. _1:47_.

 

“I think I have time for another movie, then I should really start heading home. I have a paper for Washington I need to start.”

 

“Alex, he hasn’t even assigned it yet. He just told us about it.”

 

“I wanna get a headstart…”

 

“ _Non! Alexandre_ , you still haven’t seen The Little Mermaid or,” Laf snickers, “Hercules.”

 

“LAF! We are not watching Hercules. You know I hate that movie,” Herc grumbles.

 

“I know but Hercules is a good movie, and _Alexandre_ has not seen it.”

 

“I don’t care, he can be the only one of my friends who doesn’t scream ‘GO THE DISTANCE’ whenever I start running somewhere. Can we just watch The Little Mermaid?” Hercules started to pull away from Lafayette. _Friends?_

 

“ _D'accord, mon amour_. We will watch The Little Mermaid.”

 

Hercules mummers a thank you, pulling Laf back into the hug. Laf snuggled into it.

 

“Johnny boy, I don’t think Laf is moving so go put in the movie please.”

 

Alex started to move off of John to let him get up, who was starting to sit up while mumbling something about it being ‘just John’. John put the movie in and came back to sit down next to Alex.

 

“Hey Alex, slide over a little,” John said. Alex moved as John sat in the corner of the couch and pulled his legs up onto the cushions. He opened his arms and whispered, “Come here.”

 

Alex obliged. The two settled into a position where Alex’s head was on his chest and was almost completely encased in just _John_ . Alex began to panic a little. _This is something people do right. Look at Herc and Laf they are doing it and they aren’t a couple. But they’ve known each other for years probably. You met him like three and half hours ago. This isn’t normal. Oh my god, just don’t be weird about it. He isn’t. It’s fine. Everything's a-okay._

 

When John started humming along to the singing sea creatures and slowly stroking his hair, Alex’s eyes started to droop. The movie was very hard to pay attention to when the cutest boy Alex had ever seen was gently running his fingers through Alex’s hair. It wasn’t until the crack of thunder did Alex fully pay attention to the screen. This must have been towards the end of the movie because the villain was attacking the mermaid and prince.

 

Alex hadn’t noticed but his breathing had picked up. _Come on, you are gonna let a_ _storm in a cartoon movie freak you out? What a wimp._ The very unkind voice in Alex’s head was definitely not helping. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down, he tried to focus on his breathing. _In. Out. In. Out. Come on, it’s simple._ It didn’t work, his breathing just wouldn’t steady. His palms started to get clammy and his mouth was dry, there was a lump in his throat he couldn’t swallow. He couldn’t let his new friends see him like this. He had to get away. He had to-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god cliffhanger what have I done it gets like super intense next chapter (well as intense as my writing can be)  
> This chapter was actually written at 3 am after me and me friend @shortest_hamilmom stayed up to watch Brother Bear (it was the inspriation for this) so if there's any like missing words or anything please let me know  
> Also Mulan is my favorite disney movie (it’s the best okay) so it also happens to be John and Alex’s favorite don’t judge
> 
> French Translations:  
> Bon, écoutez-moi, vous cheval fucker- = Okay, listen to me, you horse fucker-  
> Fantastique = Fantastic  
> Trouvé! = Found it!  
> Même = even  
> Mon dieu = My god  
> D'accord, mon amour = okay, my love
> 
> (This is Google Translate (AKA the Dodgiest Translator of All Time™) French. Please correct me if I have mistaken anything as I literally know zero French.)
> 
> EDIT: Hey, I just remembered that I was being semi- frequent with these updates, but sadly I have some family issues to deal with for the next two days so the earliest the next chapter could be up is Friday. But I won't have time to write so it could be later... I'm so sorry, but hang in there! I promise it will be there ASAP!


	4. Panic Attacks and Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander has a panic attack in Lafayette's bathroom and John comforts him.
> 
> (TW: panic attack)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all I'm back, pissed, busy, tired, and probably need to take a day to actually care for myself.  
> ANYWAYS. Yes I have returned from my short-lived war of family problems. So here it is albeit short, but here.
> 
> My friend Shortest_Hamilmom was planning on writing something for this series as well so be on the lookout for that as well!
> 
> I am so sorry in advance (also the French may be off, but there are translations in the endnotes. They are probably wrong since I used Google Translate so please feel free to correct me I take Chinese not French so I know nothing help)
> 
> (Warning: I wrote Alex with anxiety and in THIS CHAPTER he will have a panic attack so please do not read this if you could be triggered, it's not worth hurting yourself over my crappy fic.)

Alex jumped up. He ran into the bathroom. Closing the door and locking it behind him, he quickly sat on the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. Thunder cracked in his mind. Lightning seemed to flash before his eyes, but he knew that this was fake. But the screams had sounded so real. Maybe they were real. They were real. They were real. They are dead now. Dead. They were all dead. His mom. His town. Everyone. Everything. Dead.  _ Like you should be. You shouldn’t have survived. You don’t deserve to be this lucky _ , the voice in his head reminded him. His breathing became even quicker. Somewhere, his mind screamed at  him to do the thing his mom taught him to calm himself down.  _ Breathe in. One, two, three, four, five. Hold. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco. Breathe out. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf. Good. Repeat. One... _ His thoughts were cut off by a sharp knock at the door.

 

John’s voice, much to loud for Alex’s taste, called from the other side. “Hey Alex? You okay?”

 

He tried to respond, but all that came out was a choked and muffled sob followed by some ragged breaths. 

 

“Alex? Alex! I’m coming in!” John’s voice had become more distant to Alexander, but he sounded much more frantic. There was some banging but Alex was so lost the thumping was almost non-existent to him.

 

Beyond the screaming in his mind, Alex heard some jumping and scraping. A piece of metal clinked to the floor. Some more scraping and what sounded like a lock jiggling. A door knob turned and a door creaked open slowly. A gush of wind blew over him and the door almost closed. Some footsteps fell and suddenly there was a hand on his back and something was starting to pull him into something else.  _ John. _

 

“Hey, shush. It’s okay, Alex. You’re fine. I’m fine. Everything is okay. It’s Tuesday, July 5th, 2016. You are in Lafayette’s apartment, in New York City. Shhh…” A hand was rubbing circles on his back, another slowly combing through his hair, slowly bringing him back to reality. Alex took a deep breath, although it lacked oxygen because his face was pressed into John’s chest. Pulling his face away, he opened his tear-filled eyes to look up at John. He mouthed a silent “thank you”. John nodded, took one hand away from his back and pushed the door completely closed. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex apologized. He buried his face back into John’s chest. John continued to calm him down with a series of ‘Shhhh…’s and ‘It’s okay’s. 

 

Once his breathing had finally returned to a reasonable rate, Alex thanked John once again. 

 

“Hey man, it’s okay. Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“Um…”

 

“If you don’t want to, I understand. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks.”

 

That seemed to comfort Alex, because he took a deep breath and began to speak. He spoke of his mother, and how his dad left, and how his mother died while she was still holding him, and how he couldn’t seem to die, and how a hurricane came, and how everything was destroyed, and how he  _ should have died _ . He rambled on and on about his life story, as if he hadn’t met John that morning. 

 

In turn, John talked to Alex about his own problems; his mother’s death, his horrible father, his struggles of being a closeted son of a politician were all points of interest as John continued to hold Alex. 

 

It was only when Lafayette knocked on the door, asking if they were okay before adding a “ _ Tu ferais mieux de ne pas avoir des relations sexuelles dans ma salle de bain _ ” before the pair realized they were cuddling on a bathroom floor. They both stood up and John pulled Alex into a hug. Before pulling away completely however, John wiped away Alex’s tears. In a moment of bravery, his kissed Alex’s cheek, then completely removed himself from Alex’s space. He turned around to open the door ( _ NOT _ to hide his blush.). 

 

After that, Alex decides to go home, opting to not watch the rest of The Little Mermaid, claiming he “has a class early tomorrow”, much to Lafayette’s dismay. Despite the French student’s protests, Alexander made it out the door and began to walk down the hallway. He only turned around when he heard a door open and close behind him. He was greeted by a blushy Laurens ( _ Oh my gosh, that blush really brings out his freckles. NO! Alex, now is not the time for this gay shit. _ ) who met up with him by lightly jogging down the hallway. 

“Mind if I walk you home?”

  
Now it was Alex’s turn to blush as he replied, “Not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT AM I DOING TO MY SONS I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN I WROTE THIS AT 1 AM JESUS  
> Sorry this was so short, I have been very busy.  
> Well this is basically the end of the story of the first day and the next chapter will be kind of a wrapping up of the entire story if you will? It will take place a day later and kinda relate this but it's going to completely tie the story into my other fic, 'Hoodies'. It will probably be up on like Sunday or something cause tomorrow I have games...  
> Also, I feel like if we ever need a John Laurens actor, like hire Sebastian Stan? I described him as "being a closeted son of a politician" and that is him in like every role he plays?
> 
> French Translations:  
> Tu ferais mieux de ne pas avoir des relations sexuelles dans ma salle de bain. = You better not be having sex in my bathroom.  
> There is also some counting but idk that’s pretty straight forward
> 
> (This is Google Translate (AKA the Dodgiest Translator of All Time™) French. Please correct me if I have mistaken anything as I literally know zero French.)


	5. Cuddling and Hoodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds Alex outside his door in the middle of the night and he stays over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, last chapter. Thank you all for reading this far in the first place, but I have some things to say.  
> 1) This isn't the last of this series. There will be more.  
> 2) This takes place the next day and it isn't the same day as the rest of the fic.  
> 3) I'm sorry this took so long. Tbh I've been playing Pokemon Go! so I haven't done a lot of writing.  
> 4) Despite all this, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (Warning: Alex still kinda has anxiety but it's not as bad and it's only at one part. Nonetheless it's still a warning because you should stay safe.)

John Laurens just wanted to get his work done. He had a couple of papers due this week and tonight was one of his only free nights. What he didn’t expect though was his newly found friend, Alexander Hamilton, to show up at his door at 11:19 PM, clutching a pillow tightly to his chest and sniffling.

 

After shuffling across the room in fuzzy socks ( _Don’t judge me they are comfy_ ), he opened the door. Alex was standing there, looking down at his feet. He was wearing a blue King’s College hoodie, a pair of grey sweatpants, blue socks and a pair of slides.

 

“Alex?”

 

He looked up. Tears glistened in his eyes. Even though it was dark in the hallway, John could see that his eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were stained with tears.

 

“Can I…?” he choked out.

 

“Yes, yeah, of course, Alex.” John stepped out into the hallway and hugged Alex. He pulled back and put his hand on his back, gently pushing him inside.

 

John’s dorm wasn’t big by any means. It had a small dresser in between two beds on either wall, one for himself and his roommate Charles Lee. Lee was almost never home and always out getting drunk or ranting about Washington. He’d usually come back around 9 in the morning after crashing at a friends place. There was a window above the dresser that almost always had the blinds closed. Each bed had a desk at the foot of the bed which a bookshelf attached to it. John’s was neat, but Lee’s not so much. He was a bad roommate; leaving trash and clothes everywhere was one of his only specialities, besides being a douche bag.

 

Alex sat down on his bed. There was still some papers spread out from John trying to study but John picked them up and threw them on his desk. He kneeled down in front of Alex.

 

“Hey, Al, what’s wrong?”

 

He looked up but didn’t make eye contact. Even in the soft lamplight, John could tell he had been crying for a very long time. He placed his hands on Alex’s sides and rubbed them up and down slowly. When Alex sniffled and another tear rolled down his cheek, John pulled him into a hug again.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, John, I just-”

 

“Shhh. Alex it’s okay. Come on, let’s lay down.”

 

John sat down next to Alex and pulled him down next to him. He reached over and shut off the lamp. Alex pulled himself into John’s side. He began to nuzzle his nose into the sleeve of John’s sweatshirt. John wrapped his arm around Alex.

 

“Hey, Al, it’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“My roommate, Jefferson, he… called me some things and kicked me out. Usually I just go to the library and sleep there. The janitor knows me from when I was half homeless for a summer and slept there and he lets me in. He wasn't there today, I think he got fired, and I-I didn't know what to do so I just came here. I didn't- I'm sorry,” Alex rambled, only to be cut off by a choked sob.

 

John hugged Alex even tighter. He gently moved Alex so he was facing the other bed. He took the pillow that Alex had brought and discarded at the foot of the bed and placed it under Alex’s head. Positioning himself so he was spooning Alex, he moved a hand into his hair, beginning to scratch his head. He tried to discreetly pull up the covers so Alex wouldn’t get too cold during the middle of the night.

 

Alex fell asleep to soft “It’s okay”s and a hand rubbing his head.

 

***

 

Alex blinked awake. There was small lines of sun shining through closed blinds that were way too bright for him. He lifted up his head. _This isn’t my dorm…_ His eyes shot completely open, like a deer in the headlights. _Oh shit._ He looked over his shoulder. _John? Oh my god, wait no, I didn’t. Did I? Fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shitfuckermothershittingdamnbitchfuck. I just ruined a perfectly good friendship didn’t I?_  He looked down. _Okay, I still have clothes. We didn’t do it okay, that’s good. I’ve been in worse situations than this at least._ John started to stir. His head slammed into the pillow in a half-assed attempt to still look asleep. _Fuck shit fuck shit fu-_

 

“Alex?”

 

He didn’t reply.

 

“Alex, I literally just saw you slam your head into the pillow. I know you’re awake.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“You wanna go get something to eat?”

 

Alex kept his mouth shut once more and just sat up instead. He looked down.

 

“Is that a yes, Alex?”

 

“Umm, yes. Can I just borrow something to wear though? It feels like I haven’t changed in like over 48 hours.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Here lemme get you something.” John sat up next to Alex and then stood up. He kneeled down in front of the dresser. He pulled out two pairs of jeans, a blue tee-shirt, and a pale yellow pullover sweatshirt. “Tee-shirt or a sweater?”

 

“Sweater. It’s kinda chilly out.” Not a second later he was hit in the face with a pair of blue jeans and the sweater.

 

He hold up the sweatshirt to look at it. “‘Hufflepuff Team Seeker’? Really?”

 

“What can I say?”

 

“You don’t strike me as Hufflepuff. You seem like more of a Gryffindor.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m Hufflepuff and proud. What about you? Ravenclaw probably with all your studying.”

 

“Slytherin, actually. Although, I’d probably never be the team seeker.”

 

“Ha. You are probably right, but you would be the smartest in the house. Anyways, if you would stop insulting my wardrobe we could pick a place to eat?” John said, without the slightest hint of anger in his voice.

 

The pair changed in silence, Alex with his back turned to John for a little privacy. (He didn’t sneak a peek- _HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE FUCKING ABS SHIT._ ) To distract himself, he took off his King’s College hoodie and dropped it on the ground, forgetting about it completely. Alex pulled on the sweatshirt. _Oh my gosh, it smells like him. I am never taking this off._ He shook away the thoughts. Alex put on the jeans and grabbed his phone from his hoodie, which was on the ground. He shoved his phone in his pocket just as John turned around.

 

“Ya’know, there’s this great little diner down on Broadway called like Stars n’ Bars or something like that. We could go there.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” Alex grabbed everything he could find as his and shoved it into his pillowcase. _Tee-shirt, sweatpants, yeah I think you got everything._

 

John grabbed his phone and a grey hoodie from the back of his desk chair, pulled it over his head and opened the door. Holding it open for Alex, he finally got a good look at the design. It had a very unproportionate five-pointed star and said ‘S.T.A.R.’ in large, bold, black lettering with the word ‘laboratories’ spelled out beneath it.

 

“S.T.A.R. Laboratories?”

 

“It’s from a TV Show called The Flash,” John replied. They walked out into the early morning bustle of New York City.

 

“Do you have any clothing that isn’t nerd related? Actually don’t answer that, I feel like I already know the answer.”

 

“First off rude. It’s impolite to call someone a nerd on the first proper date.”

 

“This is a date?”

 

“I was hoping it could be?”

 

Alex smiled. “Of course it is.”

 

John smiled back and Alex took his hand in a moment of bravery. _This is gonna be so much fun._

 

***

 

John woke up to a flash of dark hair flying into a pillow. The previous night's events came back to him pretty quickly so he called out “Alex?” No reply. He sighed.

 

“Alex, I literally just saw you slam your head into the pillow. I know you’re awake.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

He chuckled softly before changing the subject. “You wanna go get something to eat?”

 

Alex didn’t reply again. _He’s probably really embarrassed, oh god. Should I say something?_ Alex sat up.

 

“Is that a yes, Alex?”

 

Alex fidgeted a bit, but didn’t seem to notice. However from John’s spot on the bed, he could see every little movement. “Umm, yes. Can I just borrow something to wear though? It feels like I haven’t changed in like over 48 hours.”

 

John began sitting up next to Alex. “Oh, yeah. Of course. Here lemme get you something.” He stood up and shuffled over to his dresser to find something. _Oh man. Nothing’s clean, I need to do laundry soon._ He only had two pairs of jeans ( _Perfect._ ), a tee-shirt and his Hufflepuff sweater. He pulled all of it out and asked which top Alex would prefer. He said sweater, so John threw a pair of jeans and the sweater at him. _Hope you are a Hufflepuff fan, Alex._

 

After a slight disagreement over Harry Potter houses, Alex turned around to change. _He wants privacy, John, don’t look._ He looked. Alex had a pretty small build and was very small, almost just skin and bones. _He must weigh nothing. He really needs to eat something though. He looks really underweight._ His tan skin was flawless, however. _Don’t imagine running your hands up and down that gorgeous body of his- fuck stop being so gay and change SHIT HE LOOKED ABORT ABORT._ In a nervous haste, John changed. He wanted to be done before Alex so it didn’t look like he got caught staring.

 

Trying to avert the subject so he could stop thinking about _that goddamn body of his_ , John said, “Ya’know, there’s this great little diner down on Broadway called like Stars n’ Bars or something like that. We could go there.”

  
Alex agreed and he grabbed his S.T.A.R. Labs hoodie and opened the door. Without noticing the King’s College hoodie on the floor that didn’t belong to him, John walked out and started to talk to Alex. When Alex grabbed his hand his heart jumped over the moon and back. _This is gonna be so much fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYO IM DONE PEACE OUT.  
> Some things I have to say:  
> -Aye did you see how that totally set up ‘Hoodies’ though that took me way too long to figure out how to do  
> -John Laurens is utterly helpless and So Gay™  
> -Alex’s inner monologue when John wakes up is me all day every day.  
> -If you want to see what the Hufflepuff sweater looked like it is here: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/0c/1c/28/0c1c281eeb193ae9cd73a9d6daabce10.jpg  
> -If you want to see (and buy!) the S.T.A.R. Labs hoodie it’s on this person’s etsy. Idk them but I liked this hoodie so: https://www.etsy.com/listing/268503394/star-laboratories-star-labs-hoodie?ref=market  
> And yes, I’m done! Thanks for sticking with me through this crappy fic that was my first chaptered fic I’m literally just now realizing. Stay tuned for more in this series though! I plan to write some Jeffmads sometime soon and my friend shortest_hamilmom might be working on some stuff too so stay on the lookout for that.  
> I also can’t believe I’ve gotten over 1200 views. Thank you all so much once more, I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways leave a comment or some kudos or something to actually motivate me to write cause god knows I won’t do it otherwise  
> Also hit me up on tumblr @hiareyouanerdcauseiam where I inconsistently reblog stuff about Hamilton feel free to come at scream at me about anything as well there is a 100% chance I will respond I promise  
> And stay tuned for the next chapter of this fic (it’s coming I swear I wouldn’t leave y’all hanging)


End file.
